The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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