You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
