Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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