I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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