how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
