sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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