I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
