How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
