maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
