Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
