yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
