WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
