Can i not drive my cunt home
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Come see our sink grown plant.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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