Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
