So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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