Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
