twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
