Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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