Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
