yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
