it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
