did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
