Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
