I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
