She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
