And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
