Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
