his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
