Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
