I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
