Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
