All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
