If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
