I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
