I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
