i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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