the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
