You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
