Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
