Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
