Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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