i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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