Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
