i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
