My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
