I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
