My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
