Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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