No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
