i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Buhtt sex?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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