i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
