sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
